Texas Chainsaw Massacre: A Review

Hello, today I'm reviewing Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I am reviewing the 1974 version they remade it like every other classic slasher, and post slasher. The movie is about a group of teens driving through texas when they pick up a strange hitch-hiker and end up at his brothers house. The teens enter the house one by one all of them don't leave except for Sally who gets tortured by head-sick leatherface his brother and a nearby store owner. Thankfully Sally escapes in the back of a pickup truck. All of this happens during the day. This movie is psychologically scary, but physically not.

A View to a Kill: A Review.

Hello, today I’m reviewing A View to a Kill.  This movie was the second best Roger Moore movie, next to Live and Let Die.  It is about a horse-trainer who is injecting steroids into the horses and implanting microchips in them.  He also plans to wipe out silicon valley so he is the leading producer of microchips. Bond foils his plan and fights him atop the famous Golden Gate Bridge, winning. This was the last of Roger Moore’s movies as James Bond. I give this one a 9.1.

Octopussy: A Review

Hello, today I’m reviewing Octopussy. This movie was about as good as For Your Eyes Only. It is about a ceramic egg that gets auctioned to a man who’s associated to jewelry smugglng. James Bond switches the egg and has Q implant the fake with a tracking device and microphone so Bond can spy on the smugglers later known as Octopussy. The head of the corporation Octopussy eventually turns for good after she finds out the man who bought the egg at the auction is helping the Russian army implant a bomb that will blow up tracing back to the U.S.A. Overall I give this one an 8.7.

For Your Eyes Only: A Review

Hello, this is a review of For Your Eyes Only. It was definitely better than Moonraker. A Greek with the ATAC, a british device gets blown up by a bomb launched by a Greek heroin smuggler. It is bonds job to find the smuggler and retrieve the ATAC. The smuggler does get killed, by another Greek smuggler of cashews who throws a knife at him. Bond gets a hold of the ATAC but throws it into the water… This movie reminded me a little of From Russia With Love with the whole” Bond has to get  a hold of a certain item." Overall I give this one 8.6.

Army of Darkness: A Review.

Hello there, today I'm reviewing Army of Darkness. Honestly I think Sam Raimi is a bit crackers.  This was like watching a cartoon set in the middle ages! There was only like one zombie though, but there were other things like a badass evil guy and his army(of darkness.) Pretty much Ash opens the ripple of time and goes back to the middle ages to help fight in a war against an evil force and get back home into his own time. I think Evil Dead1&2 were better but this one was still good. I give it a 7.4.

Paranormal Activity 2: A Review

Hello, I am going to review Paranormal Activity.  This movie was scary! It was as scary as Paranormal Activity. It was actually a prequel as they explain at the end because the end is the beginning of number 1. The demon does some new stuff like levitating a baby, abducting a dog, and slamming all the doors and cupboards at the same time. It also does some old stuff like dragging somebody down the stairs, and closing doors. It is a bit slower than paranormal activity 1 but I think for a reason. The first few days nothing happens. Overall I give this movie a 7.9.

Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn: A Review

Hello, today I'm reviewing Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn. This movie was pretty much the same as Evil Dead but with better special effects. Pretty much ash and his girlfriend stay in the same cabin ash's friends died in, the haunted one...kind of a stupid move... His girlfriend dies and he has to open the rift of time with the Necronomicon and send the zombies into time & space. This movie had a lot of action and ash loses his hand... This movie was about an 8.0.

Coraline: A Review

Hello, today I'm reviewing Coraline. This movie is based off the book by Neil Gaiman. This movie was done with stop motion which is where you have something and you move it a little, then take a picture, then move it a little...The movie is about Coraline moving in to a new house and finding a door. The door leads to  another world where everything's better. The other mother of Coraline: The evil mother says you can stay here as long as you like as long as I sew buttons in your eyes. Coraline later learns it's a trap. The other mother gets more and more disgusting throughout the movie. This movie gets an 8.4.

Note: Other stop motion films include:
King Kong (I930s)
20 Million Miles to Earth
Wallace and Grommit
The Night Before Christmas
The Beast from 20000 Fathoms
Sinbad
When the Earth Cracked Open
One Million Years B.C
The Lost City
Jason and the Argonauts
Clash of the Titans

Moonraker: A Review

Hello, this is a review of Moonraker. It was probably the worst of all the Roger Moore movies I’ve seen.  It was still good but not what I expected. The title got me thinking  a. it’s going to take place mostly on the moon or at least in space.

They did go in space but it was at the end. A really cool thing though was the laser fight and James Bond’s wrist dart shooter. Jaws dies in this one too.  Overall I give this one a 7.2. 

Paranormal Activity: A Review

Hello there, today I'm reviewing Paranormal Activity. This movie is the first movie that scared me...a lot! This movie as you might see from the picture won the "Scariest Movie" prize at the screamfest. It basically is this couple, Katie and Micah in there house with a videocamera trying to find evidence that this "demon" is haunting Katie. During the night mysterious things happen like doors moving by themselves, footprints, foot step sounds, banging, swinging chandeliers, lights going on and off, mysterious pictures, bedsheets moving, and weird periods of katie just standing there for 2 hours straight. It was very realistic. I think this movie would count as a mockumentary. I thought it was real.

P.S. If you want to scare somebody... find somebody you live with and tell them ghosts are haunting our house. Then when the person isn't looking tie 4-5 strings to the door in your house in the room the other person is in. Then pull the strings. Depending on where you are it will either slam the door or pull it open.
P.P.S. Check out the poll: What is your favorite Iron Maiden Album.

A Nightmare on Elm Street: a Review.

Hello there, I'm Reviewing A Nightmare on Elm Street. This is the one from 1984 not the remake. This movie was actually a little scarier than the shining. It still didn't scare me though. Freddy Krougar is pretty bad-ass though. I liked the whole he can only kill in your sleep, but it really happens. The multiple times when Freddy Krougar is chasing somebody in there dream and then it shows a shot of them squirming in bed. Then cuts magically appear. There are some pretty awesome special effects as well. Scary-Scale: 4.1.

P.S: I didn't have nightmares...
NOTE: If you live with someone else in your house or multiple, ( even better), that are familiar with this movie this is a funny trick. Grab a pair of big scissors or fabric scissors and cut four little holes in a shirt that you don't need anymore. Put the shirt on and in the places were your skin is exposed and put fake blood in the holes, if it drips don't worry that's more realistic. Also if you don't have fake blood just lying around you can buy it here:
http://www.amazon.com/Pint-Blood-Halloween-Makeup-Accessory/dp/B000X3ZKUY
Also if you want to do it the fun way here is a link to a recipe for fake blood:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/497212/how_to_make_fake_blood/

Jhon Carpenter's: The Thing: A Review

Hello there, I'm Reviewing Jhon Carpenter's The Thing. This is actually the remake of the movie The Thing From Another World made in the 50s. This movie was the first horror movie I saw where it wasn't scary it was just gross. Just to show you how gross here is a picture of "The Thing." As you may know they remade The Thing for a third time and it is supposed to be in theaters soon, or it might have already come out. Anyway the thing is about this arctic research team. When a helicopter from Norway comes a weird gross monster starts taking over the bodies of Dogs and Crewmembers and it all comes down to a final blood test and a flamethrower. Scary-Scale: 1.0. Gross-Gauge: 10.0!!!!  

The Shining: A Review

Hello there, today I'm reviewing The Shining. From a few people I've heard "this is the scariest movie I've ever seen." It was the scariest movie I've ever seen, yet it wasn't scary. The chase in the hedge maze was pretty awesome though. And the elevator with the geyser of blood. It was an extremely well acted movie, showing how he gradually went crazy, and the writing of the same phrase over and over again was pretty weird. And the kid was probably the best child actor I've ever seen. I'm gonna start walking around with a knife yelling "REDRUM." Anyway on the Scary-Scale I give it a 4.0. This movie didn't really scare me.

The Spy Who Loved Me: A Review

Hello, this is  a review of The Spy who Loved Me. This was a good movie. In my opinion not as good as Live an Let Die  or The Man with the Golden gun. It was the first James Bond movie to feature Richard Kiel as menacing Jaws. James Bond has to foil the villains plan of launching nuclear missiles at various large cities. He does and destroys his “Atlantis”, an underwater base, all well getting away in a comfortable escape pod with the spy who loved him, Agent XXX or triple x. Overall I give this one an 8.5.

Evil Dead: A Review

Hello, today I'm reviewing Evil Dead. This movie is about 5 teenagers who end up in a forest haunted with zombies after accidentally playing a tape recording that brings back the dead. This movie only has 5 characters and 1 setting and it was pretty low budget. Sadly the Zombies weren't as scary as i thought they'd be. The acting was good especially at the end. The last half hour has almost no dialog what so ever, it's all acting. Also the shaky camera moving through the house effect was cool. Scary-scale: 3.2. This movie didn't scare me.

Grizzly Man: A Review

  Hello there, today I'm reviewing Grizzly Man. A movie about Timothy Treadwell, a person who camped in the Alaskan wilderness every summer for 10 years, studying grizzly bears and living with them. Then he got mauled to death by one. This is a biographical documentary by Verner Herzog. A large percentage of it is made up of footage that Timothy Treadwell shot for a documentary about grizzlies that never got made. Instead,  it got put into a documentary about him. In my opinion, he was a little insane. He tried to connect with nature just a little too much. But, it was a great movie.

The Man With the Golden Gun: A Review

Hello there, I am reviewing The Man with the Golden Gun. This Bond movie for me was pretty much like Live and Let Die but not as good. It has some highlights like when Bond shoots that guy in the crotch. The movie is mainly about Bond trying to avoid master assasin Francesco Scaramanga's many attempts at killing him along with his sidekick Knick-Knack, played by Herve Villechaize. There is a memorable car chase in which Bond jumps an AMC over a river. It was pretty killer. Also the golden gun was pretty cool because it's made of household items. I'd give this one 7 out of 10.

Live and Let Die (1973): A Review

Hi, this is Live and Let Die A Review. For starters this is about one thing, three guys getting killed. One in Harlem, one in New Orleans, and one in San Marino. That brings in an interesting voodoo idea. This movies good, except for the first part with racist mentions of the Ku-Klux-Klan and James Bond racistly dissing some people. But if you forget about the racism the first part is great with a car chase, Bond knocking some guys out with a ladder, and a trapdoor in a bar. This is also the first Roger Moore and I'm trying not to like him as much as Connery but it's hard, he's good. The bad guy is Mr. Big he's the man that had the three agents killed, he sucks. But he's cool! Also at the end Bond has a boat chase and jumps a highway in the louisiana bayous. That was rated as the 3rd best stunt in James Bond history. That move wasn't liked by sheriff big southern cop guy (not real name, I forgot, I'll just say that.) Sheriff big southern cop guy is actually a returning character, so bye that's all I got.

Action Factor:

He killed 4 people

He made out 3 times

He got in 3 car chases

There were 7 explosions

There was one Yaphet Kotto

Bell bottom factor: 6 (At least one person per 2 scenes was wearing them.)

Diamonds Are Forever (1971): A Review

Hi, this is Diamonds Are Forever a review. This movie wasn't as good as the Lazenby one. It was much easier to sit through not being eight hours long but for some reason I didn't like it as much. Though Sean Connery is back and it's 1971 (great year) it didn't seem as good. It might've been I was bored of the regular Bond story line and liked the Lazenby film's story line better. I don't know any way it was average. Taking place mostly in Vegas much less gambling happened than I suspected. Also if you're a big bond fan you know of the Blofeld trilogy (Thunderball, You Only Live Twice, and On Her Majesty's Secret service.) A , in Thunderball you only see his pants, and B blofeld is also in this one. He comes with hair though. There are also some cool gadgets like, suction gloves,and a voice changer, and a cool car chase in which bond 2 wheel drives through a walkway.So pretty much throughout the movie Bond is tracking these Diamonds, hence the name and two bad guys who work for Blofeld are killing people with the diamonds all, well rockin' the bell bottoms.

Action factor:

There were 2 car chases

He went to one Vegas

There he met 1 blofeld

With 1 head of Hair.

(Note: For all bond movies made from 1970-1979 I'm gonna have a bell bottom factor.

Bell Bottom Factor:

6/10

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969): A Review

Hello, this is On Her Majesty's Secret Service a review. I'm going to make this review just as long as movie was. Yes, it was long. This movie like the others had an action filled beginning. It took about 20 minutes for me to get used to George Lazenby, but I still liked it. He pretty much gets captured in a clinic in the Swiss alps, and a winter sports theme comes into play. You see curling, ice skating, skiing, and even a bobsled fight. This movie has lots of action but no killing until about halfway in the movie. This movie has a psychedelic twist as well with weird voice overs. This is also the last in the Blofeld trilogy. So some people might say it's horrible, but I think it was very good. I think it had the right kill/make out ratio.

SPOILER ALERT DON'T READ UNLESS YOU CAN TAKE A SPOILER

He gets married but his wife dies.

Action Stats:

Bond killed 4 people.

He made out 4 times.

There were 5 explosions( all in finale fight.)

There was one car chase.

There was one ski chase.

There was one bobsled chase.

There was one Telly Savalas ( playing Blofield, not Donald Pleasance)